


Illya is apparently not allowed to date

by Morganaismyqueen



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, M/M, OOC, Tiny bit of Angst, f/m relationships are all mentioned briefly, gaby/illya brotp, i am incapable of writing something not vaguely OOC and fluffy apparently??, i guess, i just love tmfu so much, likely and probable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-05-14 12:01:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5743096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morganaismyqueen/pseuds/Morganaismyqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A cab honked from the street and he heard the unmistakable voice of his partner, Napoleon. shouting over at them</p><p>"Peril, by god are you out on a date? I didn't know you were capable and who's the pretty lady?" and began chuckling out his window</p>
            </blockquote>





	Illya is apparently not allowed to date

**Author's Note:**

> so this is terrible (and yet again, inspired by a napollya prompt over on tumblr) but *shrug emoji* enjoy anyways, kudos/comments mean alot and i would love them if you can!

Illya sat at the cafe table picking at the leftover fries on his plate, Gaby was supposed to have been here twenty minutes ago and he wished for once that she would be on time. He usually wasn't annoyed by it but this was the fifth time in just as many weeks that she'd been late for their weekly lunches (when not on mission, of course) and he had a feeling it was because of Waverly in some manner or another.

He was right, Gaby showed up ten minutes after he had handed back his dishes and gotten a refill on his coffee for the second time. She apologize profusely and he had shrugged at it and simply tried to move on but a little while into their chatting Gaby sighed a little at him and put her fork down (she had swiftly ordered a ceasar salad and began eating after she arrived) and looked over at him, sipping at his coffee and sharply said

"You need to date, Illya."

Illya swallowed his coffee just a tad too fast for comfort, it burned him on the way down and while he was coughing a bit Gaby continued

"I mean, not seriously if you don't want but we've been here for six months and I've got someone and Napoleon dates and yet you don't even try and I don't know why, Illya you're very attractive and any girl would love to go out with you. Honestly!"

Illya had since recovered and was leaning a little awkwardly backwards in some vague attempt to distance himself from Gaby and her new craze

"You are seeing someone?" Illya thought maybe he would focus on some other part of that sentence instead, Napoleon seeing anyone was not shocking and was largely just annoying to him. His own dating life? uninteresting and honestly, he was not invested.

Gaby rolled her eyes at him "Yes, Illya...I've been seeing Waverly for almost a month now, I thought you knew! Napoleon knows!"

Illya grit his teeth at his not knowing something about one of his partners and Napoleon knowing full well

"I did not know. Congratulations to the two of you, I suppose."

Gaby nodded a small bit and then quickly said "Nevermind me, we were talking about you. I have the loveliest girl in accounting I think would be very nice for you! Please, Illya?"

Illya directed a very small smile at her and nodded, maybe it wouldn't be that bad and perhaps he would enjoy himself and at the very least maybe Gaby wouldn't focus any more on his personal life if he agreed.

_____________________  
The date, well it actually went wonderfully. Illya had picked her up from her apartment right at eight o'clock. Her name was Carol and she worked in the finances department at UNCLE and oversaw much of the department there, since Alexander trusted her so much. She was a very nice girl and he found himself enjoying her company far more than he thought he would.

At the end of the night (much later than he'd anticipated. It was nearly half past midnight) she stood up on her tip toes to give him a kiss which he was surprised to find he was glad to return and soon realized the kiss was developing to something likely to be far more if he was to play his cards right and he actually was enjoying the idea and had put his hands on her waist and pushed her a little onto the wall near them when

A cab honked from the street and he heard the unmistakable voice of his partner, Napoleon. shouting over at them

"Peril, by god are you out on a date? I didn't know you were capable and who's the pretty lady?" and began chuckling out his window

Illya stopped his actions completely the moment he heard that clear voice and sighed onto Carol's lips "I am sorry, Carol."

Carol huffed a laugh at him and shook her head, pulling herself away from him bodily as well. "Its fine, Illya. I should be going to bed soon anyways, I'll see you Monday?" and at his nod, she gave his hand a tiny squeeze and shouted a goodnight at Napoleon and swiftly went into her building. Leaving a very annoyed Illya on the sidewalk near Napoleon

"I was." He said briskly and began walking down the pathway, Napoleon having the cab driver follow him as the car did not leave his side.

"All I did was say hi, it's not my fault it scared her off." Napoleon said, and Illya could hear the laugh in his voice.

"Cowboy, please go home and let me walk in peace. I'll see you at work."

Napoleon went to say something else but Illya cut into a dark ally that the cab couldn't go down if it wanted too, stopping their conversation.

Illya also didn't stop to think in his rush why Napoleon would be in this part of the city  
________________

"Gaby, the date went fine. Even after the work call, even though my english is lacking. It only went badly when Solo showed up."

Gaby's head swiveled over to where Napoleon was chatting up some blonde woman on the other side of the cafeteria "Why would Napoleon be on the poor part of New York city?" she asked, rather bluntly if you asked Illya but Illya was a fan of blunt regardless.

"I do not know and it does not matter, Gaby. Carol seemed to have fun but I don't think she's interested anymore. I talked to her this morning and she shook her head at me and smiled and dodged every attempt I made at arranging another date and I do not know why"

Gaby sighed and took a long drink of her coffee "I'm so sorry, Illya. Maybe the next one will work out? I can always break Solo's nose if you'd like in the next sparring match I bully him into."

Illya snorted and the matter was dropped for the time being.  
______________________

It was another three months later that Gaby arranged another date, this time it was New Years and a party and therefor, little chance that social interaction would be awkward in the least and Illya was good at being charming when he wanted too damnit!

The girls' name was Diane and he thought she was cute, the brunette hair all swept up into a bun and her red babydoll dress looked just lovely on her and she didn't have to reach up quite as far to touch his face as Carol had. Diane had earlier leaned her arm up to ruffle his hair in a joke and it had been an easy reach and Illya smiled happily at her and from there on out it had been perfect sailing, this girl was very nice and quite pretty.

Gaby was running around the room, trying to make sure everyone had a girl or boy to kiss when midnight came around and easily pushed Illya and Diane ever closer in the corner they'd been chatting in and Illya was looking forward to midnight just a tiny bit now.

Gaby had pushed Napoleon with a girl that Illya was fairly sure was named Rebecca or something similar. It was five minutes to midnight and Gaby was laughing over something with Waverly over by the kitchen and her office friends were all mingling and Illya thought for just one second that nothing could be better.

Five minutes later, Napoleon ruined everything.

The celebration was about to go off and everyone was counting down from five and Illya noted that Napoleon had moved from his position on the couch but did not see him anywhere else, so he'd brushed it off. He must've gone and found a girl to run off with for more private time.

He was wrong, Napoleon swept up at the last second as Illya was about to move in and swept Diane into his own arms instead, continuing the kiss for far longer than was proper for the celebration and leaving a very confused and increasingly angry Illya to the side. Gaby was across the room with her mouth in a gape.

Napoleon had not only ruined his date but proceeded to steal his date for the rest of the party and by the end of it, Illya thought he was going to take her home as well and was muttering explicit threats to Gaby about it all as she seethed at Napoleon as well.

He didn't but he could have and Gaby shook her head at Diane when she left and punched Napoleon in the shoulder, which he played off as a joke and everyone tried to move on

(Illya, still angry about it did manage to get a good punch in on their next mission on the excuse of undercover work)  
____________

Illya stopped trying to date after that really, he stuck to quick hookups when he could and ignored the rest because it would seem anytime Illya liked a girl (or in two instances) a man, Napoleon was there to fuck it all to hell.

The last date (with a man named Ralph who was six feet tall, attractive and muscular with a wonderful head of smooth brunette hair) had even continued to a semi relationship and three dates and Illya and Ralph had been half undressed on the couch when Napoleon had barged into Illya's small apartment and said they were needed at the office now, there had been an emergency and had managed to do this two more times in similar manner before Ralph moved onto someone else (and Illya couldn't really argue that, he had no excuse for his partners actions and he wouldn't stop responding to them. He probably would've done the same)

Gaby had been angry at Napoleon for months over it but at some point around Ralph she had stopped looking angry and started looking...sad when she saw him and Illya bickering and Illya didn't really understand why.

____________  
It had been over two years since UNCLE became an official organization and Illya could honestly say he enjoyed most of it. He loved Gaby like a sister (their attraction had dwindled and then gone completely sometime after their first mission together, he hadn't the care to nurse it and she hadn't the devotion for it otherwise) and he and Waverly often agreed on actions in the field and most of the office knew to leave him alone unless he spoke first and they all got along nicely.

Except for Napoleon and Illya. They were wonderful work partners, they knew each other very well and could anticipate a move the other was going to make almost before it was thought of but the moment they weren't on a mission all they ever seemed to do was antagonize each other to within an inch of reason and sanity and Gaby had long ago stopped trying to make them get along.

It was a summer day and they'd been given a week off for recovery, in this case it was Napoleons as he had managed to bruise his ribs quite badly in their last brawl before the mission had been completed and Waverly liked the three of them to work together if at all possible so he had given them all a weeks leave and wandered off with Gaby to god knows where and Illya would have as well but Napoleon had more or less bullied him into coming over for a drink and since Illya had nothing better to do, he agreed.

It was somewhere around drink five that Napoleon began to talk about Illya's dating history, much to Illya's extreme annoyance and was laughing at the incident with Ralph when Illya snapped at him

"Do you truly enjoy ruining every small amount of fun I find here, Solo?"

Napoleon's eyes snapped up to Illya's and he started to laugh, rather unstable-y in Illya's opinion 

"You really don't realize. That's...amazing Peril, and kinda sad."

Illya cocked his head to the side a bit, and squinted over at Napoleon "Realize what, Cowboy? That you enjoy watching me not have any sort of life here besides UNCLE? I know that."

Napoleon surprised Illya by standing up quickly and crossing the room over to Illya's chair "This, you complete idiot." he whispered, before leaning down kiss Illya.  
It was a...rather chaste kiss for Napoleon to be giving, Illya thought before he was clear headed enough to pull his head back and look at Napoleon. Oh. Suddenly, everything made sense.

"Oh." Illya said in a very quiet whisper

"Oh? Thats all I get?" Napoleon, for all his clever words in the past and his rather flippant tone right now looked very nervous and Illya smiled and said "This was why you have ruin my dates for two years? You wanted to be the one doing the kissing not them."

Napoleon leaned back and sat on the coffee table near the chair "I didn't know to begin with, I thought it was sort of a funny joke? Like when I took your fathers watch in Budapest, it was to mess with you. Thats all. But then time went on and I realized that it wasn't just a joke and I tried to convince myself it was an infatuation because I couldn't have you and you didn't like men and then it turned out, you did like men and then I was angry at myself for liking you at all and then I found I couldn't bring myself to tell you and then you almost got shot back there in Paris and I realized I can't not do something about it anymore. Even if it means you reject me and leave in a storm right now." He said it in quite a ramble and it left Illya spinning for a moment as his brain caught up..Napoleon had liked him...wanted him for over two years now and had not made a move? This was extremely un-Napoleon like but he had also said feelings were involved and Illya knew Napoleon was quite a skilled lover....

Illya bit his lip in thought and he watched Napoleon zoom in on it with his eyes and reached out quickly and yanked Napoleon over to him and told him, very seriously "I am not going to leave. I am going to kiss you and then we are going to move this to your bedroom."

Napoleon laughed and before something Illya knew would only annoy him could come out, he surged upwards and kissed him hard on the mouth.

This could actually be a rather fun experiment.


End file.
